Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize