Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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