so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
