Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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