OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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