dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
zippers are such a cool invention
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
