my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's just like the Real World with babies
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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