we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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