oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize