His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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