we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
