We're facebook friends in real life
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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