I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
