I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
