I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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