She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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