The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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