Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
