He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Too much gin, very little bucket
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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