oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
