i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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