I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think a kid would responsible me up
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
