i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
