Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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