I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
