there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
