He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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