I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
