1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
