I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
