You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everyone says I win the strip club
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
