Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
