He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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