why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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