bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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