You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
