Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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