I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
