Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
