There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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