Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize