hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
