i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
