i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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