Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my shit smells like andre
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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