Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize