Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
