I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
