U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
