Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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