They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
