my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
