Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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