I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
