I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
