Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
