Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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