wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
