I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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