There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
