so explain again why im purple
no
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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