He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
