You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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