You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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