Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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