We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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