I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
