Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
