if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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